Hannah didn’t grow up in church. She also doesn’t have her life together. During her lifetime, she’s tried to commit suicide three times. She’s been placed in various mental institutions on multiple occasions. She’s struggled with drug, alcohol, and sexual addictions. Even though Hannah is attractive, talented and has a high IQ, she struggles to keep a job. She also struggles to maintain any kind of relationships, whether romantic or friendship. She’s even been homeless a few times in her life. Hannah has several children that she hasn’t seen in years. Her children are her greatest love, but she is filled with pain and shame as she tells why they were taken away from her. Her kids are in the care of family members who, on the outside, seem to have their lives more together than she does. These people who have custody of her kids are the same people who have abused her.
Hannah sees a psychiatrist and takes prescription drugs just so that she can cope with life. She has been approved by Medicaid for disability because of all her diagnoses. She hates her life and badly wants to be free, but she has no idea how to get there.
Her life has been a life from hell. Dying seems like the only known and sure way of escape. She was molested by her father at an early age. He taught her that God created her to serve men. This service to men includes taking care of their sexual fantasies. She was rewarded and punished for how well or poorly she performed. Her father sold her to other men and made money from the pornography that he created during these encounters. She was given drugs and alcohol to improve her performance and make her easier to control. She was also given drugs that were supposed to cause her never to remember what happened.
As a teen and later as an adult, she willingly prostituted herself to obtain the drugs she craved. This took her shame to another level. She assumed that it has always been her fault, and that something is wrong with her that caused her to do things that she knows are wrong.
On the surface, Hannah lived a normal life. She went to school, learned piano, took ballet, and even performed in her school’s drama class. She looks beautiful and can sing well. You probably wouldn’t suspect all the darkness under the veneer of normalcy.
Hannah has come close to getting the help she needs and craves numerous times.
Unbeknownst to her family, a friend brought her to OLF for ministry. She has a hatred that she doesn’t understand toward church and Christians. She doesn’t trust anyone. She even told us that she was sure that the friend who brought her to us had some ulterior motive. She accused us in our first session of being like all the other Christians – just in it for the money.
We listened patiently. She said that she didn’t know why she told us as much about her life as she did. When we began to talk about Jesus, she cut us off and told us what she thought about Jesus and Christians. I love this part of ministry. When she was done, I agreed with her. You see, the Jesus that many people describe is not the Jesus I know and love. The Jesus I know and love doesn’t need me to defend Him, and He is nothing like what many non-Christians describe. When I told her that I agreed with her, she seemed shocked and perplexed. I told her exactly why I wouldn’t follow the Jesus she described either, with equal or greater feelings of disgust.
Then, I told her, as I have so many others, about the real Jesus. He is not religious. In fact, religious people hated Him, and He would intentionally do things to make them angry. I often see people get excited when I talk about the real Jesus, how He healed the sick, how demons hated Him and left when He commanded them to. I tell them how He allowed Himself to be beaten and crucified to heal broken hearts like theirs and how He does it even today because He rose from the dead.
Hannah is still trying to decide if she can trust us or this Jesus. But she is still coming back. She has sometimes stormed out and we haven’t seen her for a while. She has accused us of many things at times. She one time sent another girl to our ministry whom she had met at an AA meeting. She had told this girl that she would feel loved here and that we had helped her a lot. That is the only way we have gotten to hear any compliment from her, but we will take it.
Hannah needs freedom. She needs Jesus. She needs to trust someone. God loves Hannah so much and speaks to her, calls her His beloved. He intercedes for her and weeps for her. He wants His church to know about her and to love her like He does.
Hannah at times wants to come to Freedom Park and live. At other times, she says she hates us. She is so afraid to trust anyone because it gives that person the ability to hurt her. She thinks that not trusting keeps her safe. She rejects everyone before they have a chance to reject her. Let me be honest with you. Hannah is not one person. She is a conglomeration, a composite of very many of our clients. Every detail of her story could be told of the others we wrote about in this book and the many whose stories remain to be told.Some of the Hannahs wouldn’t care if we did tell their story and use their name. Others would likely try to sue us. Some do trust us enough to believe we are doing this because we care and want to help. Many others not only doubt our motives, in their minds they are certain everyone has an angle. They build their proof by judging every action. We will ask people to consider donating to help us save the Hannahs in this book. Some of the Hannahs will see us ask for money and will believe that we are using them to earn a profit. That is so far from the truth. We need funds because most of the Hannahs can’t afford to pay anything for the ministry they so desperately need.
